Material Girl Living in a Material World

❤ السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

Why does society trust the government so easily? Trust the system? We believe our history books when they could easily be just as fabricated as our very lives. It could just be a method to gain mass control.You do know this happened in Japan before? The government created a false religion to control people. I'm beginning to make no sense as I'm stating facts I myself learned from my history books. I think I will just end up creating a large loop-hole, but just consider the thought and continue reading.

Why are so many disturbing things accepted in society? To spend millions of dollars on chemicals, plastic, and fabric that hold no purpose other than to create a facade. Think about it for a minute. How utterly disgusting, stupid, and irrational it is to plaster your face with cat piss and placenta (literally), to clothe your skin in cotton that cost 5cents to make, made by starving children in sweat shops, and to buy that fancy box of bolts that eats $100 worth of gas a day. Don't you ever wonder where's all that money going? Of course to the government, the masses, to the world leaders that are treating humanity like a Sims game because we're all controlled fools. They're going to keep doing it too because we let them.

Many of us will be laying on our death beds miserable because we accomplished nothing good for our souls. You see celebrities fall because they're miserable and many who reach out to God because the life of money gives you nothing but sorrow. Many people die in the pain of negativity, regret, grudges, and loss, because they didn't spend one moment living or cherishing the little things in life that count. The moments with your family, helping for the sake of making someone else happy, doing something to benefit someone over yourself. We live a life of selfish, shameless, confusion. Were too concerned about our breast size, or working those extra hours at work to afford top of line products, or seducing that cute boy. How about girls who sell their bodies to afford their face? Or the ones who commit suicide from a simple word? What about the girls that gain confidence by ruining other peoples lives? It makes no sense. It's so gut wrenching to know that the things that we buy cause such corruption in the world. What do we do about it? Sweep it all under this big rug of reality and continue conforming to this world of fabricated bliss. Same things apply to men- but women are targeted victims of mass consumerism.

All of the problems in the world, especially the one to do with mass consumption is one very dominate reason why Islam makes sense to me. This is why the Qur'an and the Hadith speaks so many truths and forbids us from music and makeup. This is why Allah suggests that we wear Hijab. It protects us from the disease of consumerism. It protects us from insanity. Allah knows best and if you question why something so simple as to plucking your eyebrows is considered haram just think about it for a minute. Think about all the things you try to justify because you're scared to stop following society, you're scared to stop following the standards of false beauty. When Allah says He loves beauty, what the heck is beauty? Do you really think Allah believes beauty is doing what a crooked society wants. He warned us about these very things! And Allah knows best so why do we doubt him?

I myself am really in no place to be preaching this but it's something I am so frustrated with. I struggle to break free from society, from conformity, and I just want to be a good Muslim, but society has me tied down. It's not easy. I'm writing and sharing this because I want to spread awareness and eventually follow my own understanding of the corruption.Change starts with awareness and I hope what I just shared will help someone else to see the reality.

Relapse

❤ السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته 

Something has been very wrong. Something has been wrong in the way that I believe in Islam, In the way that I have faith in Allah. Somehow I lost the most important aspect of being a Muslim.

I believed only to gain control. I believed only to benefit false desires. I believed only to cover confusion. I wasn’t praising Allah from my heart. I was praising Allah for the sake of praising Allah. My heart was never fully there. I’ve become lost, misguided. I had doubts and I felt indifferent.

I’m weak and I can’t blame others for my actions. It’s all on me. How am I supposed to move forward if I keep falling behind? I need to start from the heart. Start with the very reason I became a Muslim. Islam and being a Muslim, having true faith in Allah, is not this big facade of piousness. When I became concerned with the things that made me more pious I inflicted negativity on those around me. I focused on the opposing aspects of others. I became more involved with my deeds, without intentions, over my faith. Some make Islam into a game. It's like a video game where you gain points and lose them if you make a mistake, where one is a leader and bosses or shows others what to do or how to do it. Islam is not this. It’s not about how many surahs you learn, it’s not about how many verses you read, it’s not about how much Arabic you know. It's not about fear, hate, or restrictions. It's about understanding, love, and peace. It’s about your soul. It’s about love for Allah, the Prophets, and the sincere, unaffected desire for bliss; Jannah. To benefit your soul, your ummahs wellness, and to spread positivity, happiness. It's about your relationship with your creator, doing good for others around you, for yourself, for the sake of Allah. It's only once I gain this admiration for Allah will my deeds and intentions come easily, naturally, and purely.

My heart and soul are sick. I need mending. I’m starting over. I’m emptying out my head, my misinformed mind.

Q&A: Islam Sequence

"Whoever does good whether male or female and he is a believer, We will most certainly make him live a happy life, and We will most certainly give them their reward for the best of what they did."

Qur'an, 16:97

❤ السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته 

A question I have been asked recently, more than once, "Since you became a Muslim, how do you feel?"

Euphoric: I feel as if all, if not most, of my past problems have ceased. Whether my problems really have ceased or not, I have obtained the ability to take on the given dilemma with refined confidence. With the assurance of knowing who, what, when, how, and why, Alhamdullilah. I am undaunted, audacious, and liberated. I am in accord with myself and my surroundings.

Since becoming a Muslim I can see my true beauty, the truth of this world. I am no longer afraid of the many things that once refrained me, I conquered anxiety. I can focus, I can complete personal goals.  I can understand, I can forgive, I can move forward: manifest. Life has become unambiguous to my personal satisfaction. I was able to override my struggles, on my own, from the trust and faith I have entrusted in Allah (swt). By His will he has granted me promised happiness.

Tell me, how has Islam changed your life? How has/does it made/make you feel?

Q&A: Doubts in Islam

❤ السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

I have stumbled upon a fellow blogger who was Almost a Muslimah. She writes about how she didn't convert to Islam sharing her opinion on why she doesn't agree with Islam. Out of interest in her story I have commented on a few of her posts and we have been having a healthy debate on some of her subjects. I really enjoy it because she has asked some pretty intense questions that I myself have been stumped on answering. Alhmadulillah it is exercise for building my faith. I dig deep to find answers to her questions because I myself begin to ask them. I want to share with everyone the questions she has asked that I didn't know how to reply. I did, however, find answers. Answers that I wish to share with everyone if they have the same questions. For me Islam is flawless and I like to show this and why a once atheist like me chose Islam.

Almost a Muslimah asked: Isn't God and the Qu'ran flawless? Why do so many people argue about what the Qu'ran means and why is there tafseer's for understanding it? People tampered with the Qur'an? isn't it supposed to be protected from that by God? Are you also saying that Qur'an can only be understood if its entirety in Arabic? "Allah wants us to do our best in how we interpret the Qu'ran"- uhh no, I'm sorry but when we are talking about eternal damnation in hellfire, there is no room for "trying to interpret". The commands might be challenging to fulfill but shouldn't be subject to interpretation, don't you think? Can the Qur'an be understood on its own, without hadiths and tafseers you think? is it clear enough? Literal vs metaphorical Qur'an. how do you distinguish which verses should be taken literally and which not, and why you think so?

My Response: The Qur'an is flawless. It is the final word of God. Prior was the Torah and Bible. These books have been lost in translation and the original languages for these books have been lost. Allah gave free will and another chance to his people. They failed. So He gave new challenges yet something that is not so ambiguous. He gave Islam. Perfected and protected. When people say it's corrupt and wrong; it's the people not the religion. We as human's have tainted Islam but the text and meaning itself has remained in it's original Arabic text since it has been revealed to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).  The Qur'an is also protected through the duty of Muslims to memorize it. Not in English but in Arabic. In it's original, authentic meanings. The true words of the Qur'an will never be lost even if people decide to destroy all the texts in the world. It has been protected in the hearts and minds of Muslims. Yes, the Qur'an can only be understood exactly in Arabic. There are many reasons why. One of my favorite examples being the translation of 'He' when referring to Allah. The Arabic word that refers to Allah that translates to English as 'He' is actually neither sex. It is rather someone or something (I don't have sources for this. However I was taught this in a Islamic course I took in school with Dr. Jamal Badawi and have read it online many times. I will confirm it too when I learn Arabic). Another example is translation itself. Do you know in Japanese they have one word that explains the  look of rain drops on flowers as refreshing? So the Arabic of the Qur'an may not mean exactly what it means when it's translated in other languages. Is this not perfect? Well I see it as perfect because it remains authentic in language and words that meanings cannot be changed and can only be understood it's original form and meaning. That is why it's good for Muslims to learn Arabic. So that they can become even closer to Allah, Islam, and the true meaning of the Holy Qur'an. Here is a really good article about the meaning, interpretations and translation of the Qur'an.

I hope this makes sense and answers her doubts in any way..... ( 〃．．);

I want to thank Almost a Muslimah for her questions and interest in Islam, jazakallah khair. I take this as a blessing. She has helped me gain some more insight on my own religion and faith. I pray that Allah opens her heart and guides her to choose Islam. I look forward to her future posts and questions.

If any of you have anything in response to her questions or anything to add to my response please answer!

On Self Confidence

“Beautified is the life of this world for those who disbelieve, and they mock at those who believe. But those who obey Allah’s Orders and keep away from what He has forbidden, will be above them on the Day of Resurrection. And Allah gives (of His Bounty, Blessings, Favours, and Honours on the Day of Resurrection) to whom He wills without limit.”

Qur'an, 2:212

Beautiful Leah Dizon (Old Role Model)

Beautiful Hana Tajima (New Role Model)

 

❤ السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته    Excessive or deflated confidence in one's own judgment or ability: self confidence. A lot of women struggle with confidence. Whether it is our looks or our talents, our perception is misguided all thanks to the standards set by society via the mass media and 'men'. As a young revert Muslim living in the western hemisphere I am constantly at battle with what ‘beauty’ is. Jesse’s self confidence: deflated. Like most people I look up to celebrities and actresses. I admire, obsess, compare, and sometimes cry because I can’t look a certain way (astagfirallah!). I look at local girls who acquire these celeb looks, fashion, hair, make-up, and look at myself in pity because I got a cheese burger belly, 20 something moles on my face, and thin hair. It puts me into great distress sometimes. It even drives me so mad that I feel angry when I see some girls I am extremely jealous of. I will even spend time finding faults in them to make myself feel better. I do all these nasty things and at the end of the day when I do my evening prayers I reflect on my behaviour. I look at myself and wonder how I could ever act so foolishly. I have something these girls don’t. I have faith. I have Islam. I have Allah (swt). I look at myself with my scarf thrown around my head before prayer and smile because I’m alive. I smile because I have people who love me. I smile because I have a chance to reach jannah. I smile because I have a piece of mind that puts my soul at rest when I’m lost and all alone. I am blessed to be who I am and Allah (swt) made me this way because I am beautiful, because I am here to live Islam. My purpose, my life, my soul exceeds all these silly problems in everyday life. I remember Allah and my jealousy escapes. It’s hard sometimes but I am writing this to remind you ladies that you’re not alone and that Allah (swt) is there. You just need to trust him and see yourself for who you really are. We need to stand up against these false standards and start following our religion properly. We need to stay true to our hijab. I feel the more I try to look like girls in magazines I feel more frustrated with me. I feel sad. When I do what I do because I like it, because I think it’s ‘cool’ for Allah (swt) I feel 100% happier. I eat that cheeseburger because it makes me happy and I exercise for my health, not my weight. I work hard to worry about myself now. I promised myself to stop comparing to those who I don’t even know. It’s seriously such a waste of energy. I like myself because I am me. I am an intelligent, capable, artistic, kind, generous, sweet person. Most importantly I should worry more about my deen and what I do to please Allah (swt). Remember that trying to impress people who want you to change is the first sign that they’re not good people. Surround yourself with confident happy women and read your Qur’an because it honestly gives us the answers to all these daily struggles. {Above I posted two woman I think are absolutely gorgeous. I used to adore Leah Dizon and wanted to always look like her. I admire Hana Tajima more because she stays true to hijab, proving how easy it really is. She's not fake. Pick a role model that fits your lifestyle who makes you feel better about yourself, not worse. Better if you don't compare or work to be like anyone; just be yourself!} Do you struggle with your self-confidence? How do you deal? Tell me your stories!

My Shahada

"I bear witness that there is no God but Allah (swt)
and that Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) is His messenger"

September 7^th 2010: The date that marked the start of a new life, a new purpose. A new me but still me. This is my fate. I give thanks to Allah for bringing me to this time of my life. I was granted endless blessings despite all of my sins in my past life. The eve of September 7^th, the 27ths day of Ramadan I took my shahada, Alhamdulillah! I am so very blessed to have been able to come to this day of my life. I never knew life’s long road would take me where I have just arrived. Words really cannot describe how perfect and incredible the night of my shahada was. I have been studying Islam for almost 2 years now. I was introduced by my wonderful and loving boyfriend Fahad. No pressure was ever enforced and I was always reminded to do it for Allah (swt) if I ever wanted to revert. Fahad did a fabulous job guiding me and I pray every day that Allah bless him for his kind deeds and hard work in changing his life with me. He never left my side during those 2 years. I come from a pretty corrupt background but somehow he seen something in me he didn’t want to give up on. He saw a sincere young woman who was living a lie. He stood by Allah with his belief and inspired me to educate myself. I went from believing nothing to entering a whole new world of incredible miracles from Allah (swt). It took a lot of patience, research, courage and inshallah Allah’s (swt) will. I have met the most incredible dear people along the way. The biggest blessing has been the people that I have met and the experiences I endured. The spiritual up lift and miracles I witnessed are incomprehensible. The kindness ... the generosity that shared between all the helping Muslim’s in my community. I have never felt so accepted and comfortable in my life. I met a friend from work who was also interested in Islam, Caileigh (who also reverted with me, mashallah!). She found a married couple online from the Islam Association in my city who wanted to help people in search for Islam. Instantly they replied with most kindness and following that day we met for Ramadan breaking fast and prayer. We did 8 rakats during the prayer at the Mosque (my first time at the one I my City) and in this time I learned many things that pushed me over the line that built my faith stronger. I also made a nia a week ago that I will decide to do my shahada after I finished reading the Qur’an and finished that night. I wanted to revert at that moment after prayer but it didn’t feel like the right time. The next day we met with them again for breaking fast. I was so open about myself and I explained things with no hesitation. I felt so happy sharing with Paige (the wife of the couple who is also a revert). We talked about Islam and our lives. It was so inspiring and special. I did prayers at Paige and Emad’s (the husband) house, we did a special dua for breaking fast, and mashallah Emad made a wonderful dinner, butter chicken!!! While eating Fahad called me and asked excited "Did you do shahada yet?" (I told him through e-mail I finished the Qur’an and was ready!).  I hadn’t yet though and while talking to him it reminded me I had to do it. I had to stop being scared. I believed and there was nothing left to prove it. I wanted to do my shahada then. It was perfect and I was ready. I told Paige and Emad at dinner. They were so delighted! At that moment I knew with Paige, Caileigh and Emad it was right. It was fate. Paige said to my surprise, "Let's call Fahad on skype so he can be there!" (He was in India). We called and woke him up and he thankfully picked up!!! ♥ He witnessed it! It was so perfect. Everyone I needed was there, the people that I loved for the sake of Allah (swt). Then Caileigh decided it was right for her. We both did our shahada. Emad felt incredible. This Ramadan for him and Paige had been special. Caileigh and I were the first people Emad reverted (mashallah he is a very devout man to Allah and he deserved this). May Allah bless him and Paige with all their endeavors! They then granted us with gifts, two scarfs’ and a flower clip. I have never felt so happy in all my life. The gift of Islam has been shared and spread. I was stunned in this moment. The kindness I gave to everyone in my life was finally given back. We all cried and the sisters hugged. We got ready for the night prayer and the sisters at the mosque were amazing. An aunty was so beautiful and kind, she gave me and Caileigh gifts, a little clip from Medina and a book with special dua's. So many sisters greeted us, hugged us, and showed their gratitude. It was amazing. I never received so many hugs in my life! It was beautiful the love that was shared. The 27^th night of Ramadan 2010 was truly a special night. 

The beautiful gifts I received

... And so here continues my story.

Hello, This is God Calling You

*Phone rings (displaying weird long distance number)*

"Uhhhh...Hello?"

"Yes! Hello Jesse! I'm calling about your order from Whyislam.org. You forgot to add your postal code!" - An old man replies in a foreign accent.

At first I was about to hang up. I didn't know who was actually calling at first. I'm glad I didn't. I had ordered free pamphlets and a Qu'ran from whyislam.org.

Them man then began to ask me about Islam. If I believed in God; and the oneness of God. If I believe in Jinns, the day of judgment etc.Then he asked me about the prophets and if I believed in them all. I replied yes to both. He said, "Well you are Muslim by heart then." I replied with, "yes, then the next step is to say the shahada!". He continued to ask me if I wanted to do it now. Then. On the phone? I was nervous and instantly thought NO. I didn't feel it was the time but what he told me is true and that it is all I have to do. That's it. I am pretty much already Muslim!

When I got off the phone I continued to think and started to feel regret. Was this Allah calling out to me? Giving me the moment to do it? Because I am too scared to go to the mosque ...

I made up excuses saying, well he was going to revert me ... he just wants the blessings. That you need to say the shahada in front of two adults (which I learned last week that is was not necessary). In the end I did not feel it was time. I'm not ready to comitt. I don't know if I can avoid sin right now. It's very frustrating because I do know what is right and what is wrong. It's just taking that one small step and saying those few words that will change my life completely. Why does it have to be so hard? I know what I want but I'm just not ready to make it official. I sometimes still have my doubts, fears, I also just want to finish the Qu'ran first. I guess I should read it quicker then do my shahada? Because really that is all - I know when I finish the Qu'ran I will know 110% what I want.

Luckily this website (which of whom this man got my information from) is wonderful. I found it and ordered pamphlets about Islam (which are great to share with people who want to know more about Islam) and my own Qu'ran with English translation. I had no idea someone was going to call me. At the end of the conversation the man let me know I am able to call or e-mail any time if I have questions etc. or if I change my mind about doing shahada. So any person who is looking to revert I recommend this site! He also informed me about my cities mosque and that they are able to arrange meetings and get me involved in the Muslim community.

I hope I didn't make a mistake in my choice to reject his aid in my shahada and I pray that Allah will continue to watch me. I'm sorry for my ignorance. I just wish to continue my study. To be 110% sure. People tell me I may die tomorrow without reverting but I cannot follow Islam if I have any spec of doubt. I do not want to sin when I can prevent sin by being 100% sure. I am still Muslim by heart and Allah knows this. I will persure my efforts insha'allah.

I still feel : Σ（＠д＠；）

Has Allah granted signs to you for your reversion? Or for anything in your life when making choices?

I am

I am me; right now, as I type. The thoughts racing through my brain as I am engulfed every second by religious facts: religious truths.

I am me telling myself that I am a complete fool to have never believed in "God". Questioning myself about  the reason, the only thing pulling me back from the very fact of God. You see it's nothing actually! So does that not already make me a Muslim when I do know for a fact that God and his holy Qu'ran are legit, Allah is the only God and no one is on any level near to him, and that I do believe in prophet Muhammad. I also believe in it all as historical fact.

I think the problem now is a matter of cementing my faith. Making it concrete and eternal. It's like trusting someone who had betrayed you or loving someone when you have never known it before. I think it is as simple as that. Just doing it. Exposing myself as much as possible. My faith IS there. I think it is just weak because it is all new to me. It is un-familiar to my norms. I have many great words with me from several special meetings and people through out my journey. I also have wonderful, amazing, supportive friends who give no pressure and accept me.This makes it feel right. Fate. That God has judged me, noticed my efforts and given me a chance, a path, for my sincerity to be a good person. I escaped a sinful life becoming independent and true to myself. Exposing myself to new things, a new life, and new future.

I think I am a Muslim now.
Just a very weak one.